Some relationships feel like home.
Others make you someone you don’t recognise.
Same person. different reactions. And for a long time, I couldn’t explain why.
What I’ve come to understand and what David Hawkins maps so precisely in his work on consciousness, is that relationships don’t just reflect who we are. They calibrate to where we are.
Every interaction carries an energetic frequency.
Shame, fear, anger, pride & these sit at the lower end of what he refers to is the consciousness map. Courage, acceptance, love, joy… these emotions sit higher. And the people around us don’t just exist in our lives. They pull us toward their frequency, OR we pull them toward ours.
I studied a lot of the work of Hawkins and realised this is why some relationships expand me and some shrink me. The other person is operating from a place of genuine love, curiosity, or courage and being around them, makes me feel like I am rising too. Those are the relationships I never want to leave.
But then there are still other relationships that activate something older, darker, and harder to explain. It’s not always that the person is “toxic.” Sometimes it’s just that their frequency is meeting an unhealed part of me and what gets surfaced is the wound, not the worst of who I am. Can you see this in your life too?
I’ve spent nearly two decades building teams and leading people. And the most clarifying question I’ve learned to ask in relationships and in leadership both is not why do they make me react this way, but what level am I operating from when I’m around them?
Fear-based reactions tell you something.
I used to have a tricky relationship with a person and being around them had always triggered me. There is something inside me that got this subtle nudge & suddenly all my insecurities would creep up, I would over-react, become controlling and did not recognise the person that I began to imitate.
In recognising this pattern, one day, I sat down and wrote everything that bothered me about this person. As I was writing these traits, I realised that every trait I listed was something I did not like about myself.
The trigger wasn’t that person.
I was triggered by my shortcomings. Yes, that made complete sense to me – an overachiever, perfectionist and my own biggest critique.
Triggered by someone who carried the exact characteristics that I disliked about myself… how could I possibly enjoy their company?
What we are inside, no matter how suppressed, colours our relationships.
In psychiatry, this mechanism is called displacement.
There are simple techniques to recognise the disharmony appearing from relationships and how to heal them, and this is the work I do with people 1:1.
Not therapy in the traditional sense, not coaching. Something more holistic and deeper.
I have an opening for a small number of personal sessions.
If you are ready to operate a higher self, message me directly to book a time for a 1:1.
Leave a Reply